Pamela S. Berthume

Since my last post, I have been going through one of the roughest, toughest weeks in my life.  And if you know anything about me, you know that I have had some rough times - so that is saying a lot!  The day I took my bike riding picture was also the first day of zero prescription medications since I left the hospital last September.  Due to several reasons, the biggest being finances, I have been weaning myself gradually off of all of my prescription medications for months now.  Well, June 21st was the first day totally medication free.  Greg (my hubby) and I had done our research and we knew that I would have a rough week at least, probably a few rough weeks after going off this last medication until my body adjusted, so we prepared for that and for me to take it easy as much as possible during this time.  Unfortunately, neither of us had a clue as to the events totally beyond our control that would occur during this same crucial time.

We have had two major events occur, neither of which I can share the details of as they are just too personal. Either one these events alone would have threatened to make me feel like a total failure.  Both of them occured almost simultaneously and together have shaken my faith just a bit.  Not my faith in God mind you, only my faith in people.  The awesome realization though is as major and close to my heart as these events have been, neither have even put a teeny, tiny, itty, bitty dent in my faith in Jesus.  I think (I hope?) I have finally gone through enough “stuff” that my faith in Him is as solid as a rock.   Frankly, He is as real to me as my eyes are brown.  If that makes any sense.  So, even though I am at a loss to even begin to understand either of the two mysterious events (mysterious to you that is!!), I have an unexplainable peace that keeps me going strong.  

I am so glad there is nothing I can do to make Jesus love me any less, because lately I feel like a total failure.  If I thought for even one moment that His love for me was based on my actions - well, I would be in total despair.  But I am not!!!  I am confused, sad, heartbroken even, but still full of hope because I know, that I know, that I know - that He will work everything out for good.   So how’s that for preachy?!?!

Please do continue to pray for our family.  My pain levels have been way up and my activity level has plummeted.  It is very important for me to get through this time without my younger boys, especially Elijah, becoming afraid that I will end up back in the hospital.  So I am really trying hard to act as “normal” as possible around them, and it is NOT easy.  Frankly, I really need to get through this summer WITHOUT ending up back in the hospital period!  Please pray for my strength, wisdom, and tolerance to pain - and a great attitude through it all.  (Pray especially hard for the attitude part!)  That said, I am totally thrilled that I met my bike-riding goal 12 days early and have the picture to prove it, as I have no idea when I will be able to ride it again.  And I am okay with that.  I am more optimistic for the future then ever.   Once my body adjusts to the higher levels of pain a bit and gets over the withdrawals of the awful medications that I have been on, I will once again increase my activity levels.  I can’t wait as I have a feeling that I will feel better then ever, mentally and physically when I have all the medication totally out of my system and no more withdrawal side affects.   Then I will have nothing “synthetic” to mess up my mental clarity or add to my fatigue levels!  

Now, sit down… you may not be ready for this…   My next goal is to play racquetball - by this Christmas!!!   Don’t worry - I’ll take a picture and post it. 

As I look back these past 8 days, I choose to focus the rest of my blog on just of few of the great things that have happened:

• Brittney, my almost 17 yr old daughter, and I had a terrific time visiting another prospective college campus this week.   We both were impressed and left feeling strongly that this is the college for her.  It is her first choice now.  She wants to major in Special Education and she is finally beginning to take school and preparing for college in general, more seriously.  Yea!!!  I truly hope she keeps her focus during her senior year and I am optimistic that she will.  
• J.Jay, my 12 yr old son, tested for his 4th belt in Tae Kwon Do this past week and of course, he got it.  He is now a green belt.  I am so proud of him!   
• Elijah, my 6 yr old son, has completely stopped sucking his thumb.  We also put his treasured blanket away for safe-keeping so he’s not relying on it anymore.  YEA!!!  We are going to the dentist on Monday to get his picture and name put on the “Thumb-Free” wall.  Also, his vocabulary of late simply blows my mind.  Every day it seems he says something that shows what an excellent grasp of the English language he has!  Today he picked up a bag of gluten containing cereal that someone put in our gluten-free area and said, “Momma, we have a situation here!”  He is so fun to be around.  He is serious and insightful one minute, cracking witty jokes the next.  He has a wonderful and unique sense of humor as well that is coming out more and more as he gets older. 
• I am feeling closer to Robby, my all grown up son, lately as well.  I am telling you what, I just absolutely love all of my kiddos!  I am fully convinced that all in all, I have got the most unique, interesting, and downright coolest offspring on the planet!  
• Our neighbors had mulch leftover, apparently they had purchased too much, and they GAVE it to us!  Yes, for FREE!!!  It is beautiful dark black mulch.  Greg spent last night and today spreading it around and it was enough for all the areas, trees and bushes in our entire front yard with the only exception of our one row of bushes on the right edge of our front yard.  Wow!  Our yard was looking pretty sad, and now it looks pretty great!  (except for the browning grass due to drought, but hey - fresh mulch makes it all look good!!)  Thank you, Neighbor!!!
• Greg and I are getting along better than ever lately.  He seems more contented in general and we seem to be laughing more than we have in years, often for no reason at all!  How cool to be married for over 24 years to someone who is so fun to be around.  He is becoming more and more my ’soulmate’ as we grow older together.  I like it.
• I just starting going to a women’s Bible study at the YMCA that I really enjoy.  I haven’t been involved in a small group Bible study in a while and I didn’t realize how much I missed it!  It’s way more fun then just studying the Bible alone.  Very cool!

Although I have been more emotional and “on edge” without my drugs, er, I mean medicines; and even in the midst of two major what I would call bad and sad events - I am STILL happy and thankful for all things.  How cool is that?  It’s amazing how much my perspective has changed over the past year, but I can honestly say that regardless of circumstances I am a happy, contented woman.  Not many people can say that and mean it!  Don’t get me wrong - I get angry, sad, confused, frustrated, and more - usually every day…  but through it all, I am honestly thankful for everything.   I now have what I consider the privilege of a tiny glimpse of life through God’s eyes instead of my own.  And from that perspective - things always look very good!  I would never want to go back to the way I viewed God before I became paralyzed.  I had Him in a box of my own making.  The more life I live the more I can see Him clearly, for who He really is.  And the better I get to know Him I more I trust Him.  For the first time in my life I don’t feel like I have to understand everything for myself - what I can’t see I don’t feel as though I have to see because I know that He sees it all.  You see?!?!?  

So, I may be in lots of pain, but hey, I am thrilled that I can FEEL pain!  I can move!  I can walk!  Too bad I can’t sleep!  It is 3:11am and this insomniac is going to try, again, to get to some sleep.  I need to get up for church in just a few hours!  YIKES!!!    

‘nighty ‘night! 

Look at that picture and what do you see?? I see one happy (a bit pudgy, but very happy) NON-PARALYZED Mama riding a bicycle! YIPPEE!!! If you look back to my previous blog entries you will see that some time ago I announced that my goal was to ride my bicycle by my next birthday, July 3rd. Well… I am as impatient as usual and I met my goal 12 days early! The above picture was taken TODAY! Yep, that’s me!

Today has been a great day! First, J.Jay had his Tae Kwon Do testing in which I stayed to watch. He tested for his 4th belt - green. That was a fun, albeit it a five hour long event. Then I worked out at the gym, but at the last minute something told me that today was THE day to ride my real bike. So I cut my “stationary bike” workout short and came home to ride the real thing!

Greg was not too thrilled at first, to say the least. Okay, he was anxious almost to the point of being opposed - but he let me try. You should have seen the look on his face when I was riding. It was somewhere between terror and pride. Ha ha ha. J. Jay’s face on the other hand, showed shear pride. He popped onto his bike to track me down when he heard what I was doing. He was beaming from ear to ear. Then there is Elijah… just to see the smile on his little six year old face was priceless. He can’t remember ever having seen Mama ride a bike before. Wow!

When I got off I started crying, I mean downright bawling! It was coming from deep inside of me - out of sheer happiness, shock, realization of what I can do now and how far I’ve come, love for God, Awe of God, and thankfulness that I can now ride a bike with my kiddos. I never thought I would able to be such a “normal” mom again. I mean, I knew I would, but I didn’t really know. You know?!?!?! Wow! I have never experienced such a flood of happy tears in my life. I cried, sometimes loudly sobbing for almost an entire hour. I can’t even explain it. I told my hubby that I don’t think anyone could possibly understand the depth of the happiness and emotion I felt unless they had been paralyzed and then come this far “back” to being able to ride their bike. This means so much more to me than just the ability to ride my bike though. It is being able to be an active bike-riding Mom to my younger kiddos like I was to my older kiddos! It means family time all riding our bikes together. I can’t put it into words, it sounds so silly. BUT IT’S NOT!

Another BIG accomplishment today…. Today is day #1 of no prescription medications for me. I mean absolutely none, zero, ziltch! It has taken me a long time (weaning off them one at a time), but I am officially off all of my prescriptions. Wow! I have some that I may take on an “as needed” basis, but knowing me, probably not. So my pain levels are up, yet my activity is up too! Wow!

Everyone keeps asking me how I do it. I really want to make sure that everyone who reads this and everyone who knows me realizes that I am not doing anything. I cannot even make it through one day on my own as I am not that strong of a person. My pain is too great and I am too weak. But in my weakness, He is stronger. That’s not just a cute Bible verse (or a nice song), it is my daily reality. It’s one thing to hear it or to read it, it’s another thing entirely to actually live it! The fact of the matter is that I have only gotten this far because God has given me the gumption and He continues to give it to me every single day (usually minute by minute) of my life. God Given Gumption. Triple Geez! I am so grateful He loves me this much. It’s not me, it’s Him!

Some other cool things taking place in the Berthume household:

• J.Jay is so focused with his Tae Kwon Do. I am very proud of how far he’s come in such a short time!
• Greg (I didn’t have the heart to do it!) took Elijah’s blanket away earlier in the week as he (Elijah) was starting to carry it around with him and was getting way too attached to it. After a couple of fitful night’s sleep, Elijah is “over it” and doing great with no blanket!
• After such success with the blanket I started putting the nasty tasting stuff on his thumbnail. He wanted to stop sucking his thumb almost as bad as we wanted him to stop. Well… this is the third day in a row of no thumb sucking. He is going to sleep like a baby, no problem. Wow! Who’da thunk? My little baby is not a little baby anymore.
• The boys (Greg, J.Jay and Elijah) caught a “Fowler’s Toad” tonight while looking for fireflies. Elijah is a bug, insect, reptile, amphibian maniac so he insisted on catching it and “keeping” it. Greg made a temporary habitat for it so Elijah can study it for a couple of days before releasing him. Very cool.
• Brittney is hanging out with her girlfriends more and really seems to be enjoying her summer. Also very cool.
• Greg and I are reading the book “The Shack”. To say we highly recommend it is an understatement. EVERYONE should read this book. I am almost finished with it and it is by far the best book I have ever read. (With the exception of the Bible, of course!) I haven’t even finished it and I already want to read it again!
• Our HOMESCHOOLOPOLY® buy one get one free sale is going well, so we are continuing it for a little bit longer.
• Tomorrow is Sunday, my favorite day of the week.

Not to beat a dead horse (I love horses, so I would never do that!) but in 8 days it will be 10 months from “P-Day” (day I became paralyzed from waist down). But who cares about that anymore because today is “B-Day” (the day I rode my bike for the first time, not only since P-Day, but for the first time in over 4 years!!!) So, Happy B-Day to me!!!

Finally, thanks so much for all your prayers of late, I can feel them! Life is good.

Hi all!  Ok, bad grammar in my title, I know.  But that is just the way it is!  No circumstances have improved for us, YET.  (And I emphasize the yet!)   But, I am as happy as a dog with two tails today!  “Why?”  You ask…  Well, let me tell you!   

First, Greg and I celebrated our 24th Anniversary on Sunday.  Actually, we celebrated it on Saturday so we could celebrate Father’s Day on Sunday.  We went for a drive up to the mountains on Saturday, just the two of us.  Absolutely nothing went “as planned” but we had a better time then we could have planned anyway!  We even ran across an awesome horse farm on the way home where we got out and I got some bonding time with the horses.  I LOVE HORSES!!!  Greg started being silly Saturday night and we were laughing so hard I felt like I was going to pass out.  We just couldn’t stop laughing and ended up laughing so hard and loud that we woke up the kids!  YIKES!  We STILL couldn’t stop laughing!  We have not laughed that much in a long time and it felt great.   We rang in our Anniversary (after midnight) with laughter and I have a feeling we are going to be smiling and laughing together for many, many more years to come.  What a great feeling.

Speaking of horses and laughing, I miss my Goldie (a Palomino Quarterhorse I had in Ohio) and I deeply miss being around horses in general.  That is me with her in the picture above.  I have started on my own “bucketlist” of sorts and have decided that when I grow up someday and have the money to spend I am going to buy some acreage and have a horse farm for boarding and riding.  That way I can manage it, smell the horses, hay, and manure on a daily basis.  Oh, and of course snuggle up to all of the horses and feed them starburst mints with abandon.  And of course, I will hire someone (or two) to do all the hard work so I can just enjoy the sights and smells.  I  don’t even need to “ride” a horse again, I just love to be around them.  So…   that’s one of the things on my list. 

Also I have put aside the non-fiction book I have been trying to finish for some time called,  The Perfect Homeschool Mom…   Does Not Exist!   I have come to the realization that I am simply not enjoying writing it right now.  I WILL finish it at some point but I have decided to instead follow my heart and do another thing on my bucketlist which is to write a novel.  I actually have 4 novels roaming around in my head!!  But one that I just can’t get out of my head!  That is the one I am writing first.  Well, I wrote quite a bit yesterday and even more today and I have the entire story to tell, it’s just a matter of getting it down before it leaves me!  Seriously, I am having more fun writing this fiction novel than I have had in a very long time.  Since I created HOMESCHOOLOPOLY two years ago, to be exact!  My creative juices are flowing and I feel like it’s energizing me head to toe! 

That said, I am off to write some more before I call it a night.  With the kids and the business and the planning and the meals and all the other stuff, I don’t have time to write.  But I am MAKING time!  

Keep us in your prayers - still have some very pressing unspoken needs.  Thanks a bunch! 

Hi all! We have a great deal going on around here and I’ve wanted to write lately, but have been at a loss of what to say. The things we are dealing with right now are some personal private issues that I cannot share. So many things that I simply do not understand. A future that in so many ways I can’t imagine playing out in a positive way. But, as always, God has shown me that He is in control. I listened to Focus on the Family’s daily broadcasts yesterday and today which is a two part series of Josh McDowell sharing his testimony. Wow! I recommend everybody listen to these broadcasts! The link is http://www.focusonthefamily.com/ just go there and click on the right hand side where is says “Listen to Daily Broadcast”. Then listen to Overcoming the Father Wound 1 & Overcoming the Father Wound 2 (in that order, of course). Nothing in my circumstances have changed, nothing that is except the reassurance and reality that God really does work all things out for good. Even when it seems impossible.

That said, please pray for my family. Several unspoken prayer needs, and also my pain levels are up quite a bit (probably due to reducing medications - going off last one now!, increasing heat, and increased stress as of late) so if you have a moment, please also pray for my attitude and countenance to be positive and happy regardless of my pain levels.

Last but not least… we are having a first ever HOMESCHOOLOPOLY® “buy one get one free” sale! (Also could be called, “We really need some money to pay our bills” sale!) As many of you know, Greg and I created this homeschool board game in 2006 after God told us to.   Not only is it the only homeschool board game on the planet, but it is super fun if I do say so myself!   The perfect game for these long, hot, summer days. PLEASE HELP ME SPREAD THE WORD BY TELLING ALL OF YOUR HOMESCHOOL FRIENDS!!!  Every game also comes with over $600 worth of coupons and freebies as well, so it’s an awesome deal. To check it out visit: www.homeschoolopoly.com

God is bigger then the boogie man! (Veggie Tales)

These past two days have been like a roller coaster ride in so many ways. More than I wish to even think about, much less talk about! So… instead of ranting I decided to post a picture I just took today of Elijah - my toothless 6 year old. It’s hard to look at this picture and not smile.

Lately I feel like I am drowning, so do you know what to do when you feel like you are drowning? Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. What do you do? You swim, swim!

(fyi: you’d have to know me, but I am a movie line maniac! And that is from the movie… Finding Nemo! (aka, Chico, Fabio, Elmo, Harpo, and Bingo. Did I miss any?)

Swim Away!!!

I just couldn’t resist saying that!  I got home from the Kansas homeschool convention late Sunday evening and am still recuperating, but it was a great trip!  Thanks for praying for me (if you did pray for me, that is).  The trip itself was actually a bit harder on me physically then I expected.  But I would do it over many times in a heartbeat.  It was so worth it!  My workshops all went great, and the conference as a whole was one of my favorites yet.  I especially enjoyed my worker for the weekend, Kyle.  He was SO MUCH help and he hung out with me at my booth the entire time.  He handled everything (sales, taking orders, etc.)  while I was doing my workshops and often while I was there, gabbing.  He was a Godsend (literally), not to mention great company!    I SO love homeschooled teens!    

 Also, I can now understand why people stay in Kansas despite the tornadoes.  All the people I met were so nice, and “real”, and down to earth.  I have met people from all over and at this point I believe I favor Kansans (I looked it up, that’s what they are called!) best of all.  They treated me wonderfully as well…  like a queen!   I hope to go back next year, just for the fun of it!

 I feel like I have gone a tiny bit backwards, health-wise, as I had to use my scooter pretty much for my entire trip.  But, tonight I went to the gym (even though I didn’t feel like it!) and I worked out anyway.  So, hopefully my body will understand that I am not going to LET it get worse!  Only better!  It’s all good.  

Okay, here’s the rundown on the family:

• Greg (hubby) is as busy as a cat on a hot tin roof
• Robby is as silent as a lamb (I miss him!!)
• Brittney is as tricky as a box of monkeys
• J. Jay is as happy as a rat with a gold tooth
• Elijah is as proud as a dog with two tails!  (’cause he can swim like a fish!)
• Oh yea - and what about me?  Well, I am as snug as a bug in a rug. 

We are just a bunch of animals around here! 

While I was away this weekend, Greg took the boys camping.  They had a great time from what I heard.  J. Jay jumped off the twenty foot high dive!  Wow!  Then Elijah jumped off a pool diving board today!  Elijah can swim under water and above water now also.  I guess that means it is officially summer!!!  YIPPEE!!!

Enough said.  I have more work to do than there are hours in the day AND night.  I am trying to learn to balance everything WITHOUT getting stressed out, but it’s much easier said than done.  That said (not done) I need to go return a zillion and one emails, pay bills (which is really hard without money!), work on my column, work on my book, yada yada yada.  But I MUST get it done, or it’ll be there waiting for  me tomorrow.   YIKES!  As sure as death and taxes!

 Over and out, Toto!

Hi all!

 I am out the door to the airport.  Taking my first “solo” flight since P-Day (paralyzed day).  Am actually a bit nervous, which is a strange and unusual feeling for me as I don’t usually GET nervous!!  Am taking my scooter and have a layover at O’Hare.  I am familiar with O’Hare airport, but never in a scooter!  :0 

Anyway, on the way to Kansas to do 4 workshops for their homeschool conventions and sell my books and of course, HOMESCHOOLOPOLY!!  Pray all goes well.     

 Life has been crazier than usual this week and we had an awful day today, so that means Satan is not wanting me to go.  That’s a GREAT SIGN!  Whenever he tries to mess things up, you KNOW you are on the right track. 

 So…  I’m off!

TTFN!

God Bless!!
Pamela

Since I wrote last, I have accomplished the following:

•  Walked around the entire Charleston Southern University campus with my daughter on a campus visit and tour.
• Walked onto the beach!!!  YEA!!  This was the coolest.  I grew up on the beach and when I was paralyzed I often thought with sadness that I would most likely never be able to feel the sand between my toes again.  Well, my toesies where loving it!  We even walked up a down the beach a short distance.  Wow! 
• Was able to help out with doing dishes at my mom’s house on Mother’s Day instead of just “sitting in my chair” as before.
• Walked around the mall with my daughter!
• Walked around the next block in my neighborhood (over two blocks instead of just one).
• Took both of my golden retrievers for a short walk (one at a time) with my 6 year old.
• Helped my 6 year old find a lost turtle (Eastern Box Turtle) and went with him to return it to the creek behind our house.
• Have done 30-40 mins of cardio every other day for the past two weeks!!!  (Using the Elliptical so my arms can help work my legs; and the high back stationary bicycle.)
• We had a garage sale last weekend, so I was up and walking and bending and everything with that.
• Drove my hubby’s stick shift cooper!  (Did you get that, I can drive a stick shift now on my good days!!!!)
• Also doing strength training with weight equipment (high back technogym equipment so I can lift weights without straining my back or neck)  And am doing exercises to help my balance issues.
• Stopped taking yet another one of my medications.
• LOST 5 POUNDS!  YIPPEE!!!

I could go on.  There is so much to tell.  I am just in total awe at the power of God.  Everything “I” have accomplished, has only been by the grace of God, and His answering the prayers of the righteous.  He has accomplished so much in little ole me.  I just can’t get over how much I have improved!  There is no stopping me now!  I feel like telling everyone I meet what God has done in my life to make sure He gets ALL the glory!    It’s hard to relate unless you’ve lived through it I am sure, but I pinch myself several times a day.  Every step thrills me.  I once was lame, but now I WALK!  (And even “work-out” at the gym!)  Wow.  Wow.  Wow.  Wow.  Wow.

Thank you all you prayer warriors out there!  Don’t stop now…  I have some unspoken prayer requests and your powerful prayers are always appreciated. 

I need to go and get a good night’s sleep for tomorrow should be yet another wonderful, walking day!  

Okay, are you sitting down?  I am walking unaided!  No, wait there’s more.  I am EXERCISING!  I have begun to work my muscles and my balance in particular this past week and it is making a difference.  I am so thrilled.  I haven’t used my scooter since 1 week ago today (last Wednesday).  Tonight I went to gym with J.Jay (12yo) and I did 5 mins. on the bike, 20 mins. on the elliptical machine, which I can use my arms to compensate for my legs when I  need to.  AND 15 mins. on another stationary bike.  That’s 40 mins of cardio exercise.  CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?!?!   J. Jay  couldn’t.  He was freaking out and could hardly keep up with me.  :)  It hurt like crazy, but hey - no pain no gain. 

Also, the trainer there showed me some weight training and floor exercises I can do to help strengthen my core and my weak arm and leg muscles and to help my balance.  I did those yesterday and am going to do every other day.  It is amazing, I can’t believe my own self.  I mean, who’da thunk?  YEA!!!!!  I honestly feel like this is a miracle.  I am so pumped up and excited I just want to run around the block…  which I can’t do yet, but if God keeps this up, I will!)  Speaking of the block, yesterday I walked around my neighborhood block with my kiddos and hubby - WITH NO CANE OR ANYTHING.  Is that good, or what?!?  As I see it, I am right on track to reach my goal of riding my bike by my birthday, which is July 3rd.  Self, I said, “You go girl!” 

 Tonight was our ceremony night for AWANA and Elijah completed his first SPARKS book AND the review also.  I even walked up onto the stage to stand with “my” AWANA girls while they were getting their awards.  I couldn’t do that even a week ago.  I feel so brave lately and….  normal (whatever that is!).  YIPPEE!!  This summer while AWANA is taking a break I am going to help out with the middle school youth group, leading a group of girls.  I am very excited as I have a real heart for middle schoolers.  That is such a difficult time in life for them and the time they typically decide who they are/what they believe and really begin to separate from their parents.  I hope to be able to be a good influence on them.

Britt and I are going to Charleston this weekend to visit Charleston Southern University, which is one of the top 4 colleges she is interested in attending.  This is our first official college visit, so we are both excited. 

 Other than that, all is good in the Berthume home.  I am gonna walk away now.  (Get it?  Walk away! Yes, I can do that!)  Oh yea….  OK, I will try to calm down - but it’s not easy.  GOD IS SO GOOD!!!  Keep the prayers coming - miracles are taking place. 

From paralyzed to exercised - over and out!

It’s only been one week since my last blog and here I am blogging again. I don’t know about you, but I am very impressed with my ‘own-self’! Okay, enough bragging already - do I even have something to say? YES!

This has been a weird week! Terrible in some ways and terrific in others. Painful yet promising. Old problems resurfaced, but so did some new opportunities! All week, close one door - open another. Seems like a door is slammed in my face and the next day there’s an automatic door which starts opening before I even get there! I can’t even keep up with myself!

Elijah (6yo) finished his AWANA Sparks book and review. YIPPEE! He actually said 18 sections (mostly 1 verse each, some more!) on Wednesday night and then another 17 sections to his leader today after church. Today’s sections incuded him reciting all the books of the New Testament. I am such a proud Mama! His AWANA leader is so terrific. Their end of year party is next year and once again (she did this with their Christmas party) she is making sure that everything brought is gluten free so it’s safe for Elijah, since he has Celiac Disease. She has gone so far beyond anything we could imagine in helping keep Elijah gluten free. She left “the call of duty” in the dust and went straight to “the heart of love” with Elijah from the moment he entered her class. She even has a special box of chocolate and candy treats (rewards) just for him that only contains gluten-free stuff! At the end of every class, he gets to pick a treat (or two) from his special box! If someone brings something to the door with wheat or any other form of gluten in it, she won’t even allow it in the room! Thank you, Kim!

J.Jay (12yo) is thoroughly enjoying his sketching classes and seems to have quite a talent for it. (Is there anything he can’t do?!?!) He also found out this week that one of his friends from Tae Kwon Do who also homeschools lives right here in our neighborhood! They hung out together yesterday and this afternoon as well. They seem to get along great. I also got along well with his mom, so another friend potential for me too. I LOVE FRIENDS!!!

Brittney (16yo) we are trying to help her get focused more on college and the future. She applied for two colleges this week (ones that had rolling applications) so that is very exciting. We are studying for and practicing for her upcoming SAT test and have had to set some limits on her activities so she can keep her grades up. Parenting can be so hard! (Okay, so THAT is a major understatement!) But it’s all worth it. We are visiting our first college soon, and I think I am more excited than she is!

Robby, our adult son and Kathryn, his wife seem so happy living in California. I can hear it in his voice every time I talk with him. I still miss him daily but lately I feel more and more at peace like I am “accepting” him not being my little boy anymore. (He’s been gone for over 4 years, but it takes a mom a while to get used to these things!!) They are doing terrific, and really seem to love and respect each other deeply. They also love the new area they are living in and Kathryn loves her new job — it all seems like a perfect fit for them. What more could a Mom want?

Last, but greatest - Greg (hubby) is doing terribly terrific. Which means he is either doing terrible or terrific depending upon the moment. He loves the weather and being outdoors and the awesome nature preserve behind out house. Yet he is majorly suffering from “cabin fever” as he works from home with me and the kiddos here making noise all the time. (And did I mention that we are all loud around here?!?!) He has worked from the home off and on for 12 years, but has been in his office at our house exclusively since we built the house almost 3 years ago. The longest we have ever living in ANY single house before is 3 years - so we are coming up soon on a record. The last time he was very feverish for a “change” and that’s what started our major moving fest. We all love it here and plan on staying here for many, MANY years to come. So we are not going to change houses by any means, but his dream is to have an external office. I am praying for God to miraculously provide a very close outside office for him at a super low - or better yet zero cost! How big of a prayer is that? But, hey I love a BIG God, so if it’s His will - He will do it! Ask and ye shall receive! I’ll let you know…

I have had a teeny bit of a setback (too personal to blog about!) maybe due to my hammock fall, but am not letting that get me down. We signed up for the SportsClub as it is just opening and is very close to our house. Turns out they actually have quite a bit of equipment I can use (stationary bicycles that are powered with high-back seats, etc.) and they have water classes for people with disabilities. The monthly membership fee is only slightly more than one physical therapy visit and I haven’t been able to afford physical therapy since 3 weeks after P-Day (paralyzed day) which was almost 8 months ago. I need to push my body more, so I am very excited about this opportunity to do it. They also have a program that doesn’t cost extra for a personal trainer to tailor a “workout plan” for me.

My goal is STILL to ride my bike by my birthday in July. (No, I am NOT kidding!) I can now walk with much pain, but for quite a distance - in my opinion! I have come so far and am ready to do what it takes to try to get my muscles back in shape from atrophy. I can deal with pain, so that doesn’t bother me - but I have balance issues. I found out that they also have “tai chi” classes for extreme beginners (I can sit even as needed on my cane seat) that are focused to help balance. I am going to try that out too! I AM SO EXCITED!!! (Can you tell?!?!?) I want to shed these extra pounds and get my body back into shape. I don’t know how “realistic” I am being, but I don’t really care because I DO know that I can ALL THINGS through Christ - as He is my strength. SO THERE!

Finally, I am looking forward to summer! Our community pool opens on May 1st - which is only this coming week!!!!! I don’t know how easy I will be able to get into and out of the pool (hey, I never though of that until just now - same goes for pool classes at the SportsClub); but I am sure I will figure it out.

Our homeschooling is winding down on the number of days we school, but going strong on the days we DO do school! We are down to doing school about three-four days a week instead of five at this point. I always take my full summers off, but I am praying about this year doing school at least one if not two days a week. We’ll see!!

Super important prayer request: Pray for Greg’s mom, she had some surgery and we are awaiting the pathology reports. Pray that they do not find ANY trace of cancer. She should get results by next week. Of less importance, I have quite a few unspoken prayer requests so next time you talk to God, remember me and my family!

Jesus + Anything = SLAVERY
Jesus + Nothing = FREEDOM!!!

Hi!  We seemed to have lived about 3 weeks in the past 1 week (get it?!) as it’s been busy and eventful in many ways. 

First of all, we had wonderful company last weekend that resulted in a family reunion of sorts.  My ‘brother’ as he says who spent a great deal of time with my family when I was younger (when I was about 6-11 yrs old) came to visit with his wife and kiddos.  My sisters are all older than me and he was their age.  Anyway, they came to visit and my mom and two of my sister’s came over, one with her family also.  We had a cookout, played cranium, everyone hit it off great and I personally had an absolutely WONDERFUL time!  They even were able to stay over on Saturday  night!  I only wished they lived closer as even our kiddos got along great with each other and his wife and I hit it off great as well.  The night before their arrival I had an AWANA party (an overnight, but I left a bit after 10pm) so I was wiped, but going on ADHD juice!

Then, this week we have had something every single day!!!  I am totally wiped out, but praising God…  Here’s the gist of it, totally out of order, but hey that’s just the way my mind doesn’t work:   

1. Brittney had her first prom on Friday night and she had a blast.  She looked like a princess out of a movie!!  After I took pictures and drove away I suddenly burst out crying.  My little girl is growing up.  She looked like a beautiful young woman and I was happy and sad all at the same time!
2.  The Hammock broke on Thursday evening while Elijah (6 yr old)  and I were lying on it.  Elijah jumped out just in time, but I landed square on my back.   The great news is that except for being more sore than usual I did not suffer any kind of a flare-up and can still walk, etc.  YEA!!!   God is good!
3. We have new neighbors just down the street from us and she is a stay at home mom.  I spoke with her early in the week and then she came over this afternoon with her 6 year old son so he could play with Elijah.  We have been praying for a close friend for Elijah and her son may just be the answer to that prayer!  Although the mom is much younger than I, we seem to have a lot in common and got along very well also.  She visited for about an hour this afternoon while the boys played over at my house.  She is from Florida (as am I) and we have some other similarities as well.  They just moved here so pray I can help them feel welcome and get settled in quickly.  I invited them to church and am  praying they will come as I really think they would love our church.
4. Elijah broke his glasses - again!!!  Arghhh…..
5. We found a terrific (and very inexpensive) sketching class for homeschoolers age 12 and up that J.Jay started yesterday, Friday.  He absolutely loved it.  Art is one of his obsessions of late.  Anyway, the other students and the art teacher seem to all be a very good fit for him.  She assigned them homework (one sketch a day and something else I can’t remember) and he already did his sketch today - and did a very nice job I might add! 
6. Greg took J.Jay on a dad/son date to the art festival downtown this afternoon.  With J.Jay being very into art and Greg being very into everything - they both had an Aspie great time! (Greg fell into the river downtown up to his neck, scratched up his leg and got his phone wet - so they MUST have had fun!)   Greg’s phone is in rice right now, pray that there is no permanent water damage!

That’s about it - I’m off to watch a movie with my dear hubby before we go nighty night.   TTFN!   (ie. Ta Ta For Now!)   - Pamela

Jesus + anything = nothing
Jesus + nothing = EVERYTHING!

I found out today that I was denied SS disability - again.  I really need insurance and it doesn’t look like I will ever have insurance.  That thought alone is daunting.  I am actually very sad about this.  I feel as though I am just one big major financial burden to my family.  I already don’t go to doctors and will not ever again unless I end up in hospital - which I am vowing not to happen.  Please pray I continue to get better and have a full and complete miraculous recovery!  :) 

I wrote the above paragraph a few hours earlier.  My hubby and I talked about it and decided that the Lord knows I don’t have insurance and He knows my health so either I won’t need it, or he will take me on to heaven.  Both of which is good - so no worries here!  Anyway, we are so used to living “on the edge” financially that we probably wouldn’t know what to do if we were financially secure.  We ARE faithfully secure, which is much better.  God has and always will take care of us. 

Changing the subject - Tuesday, April 2nd is the inaugural (meaning the FIRST EVER) World Autism Awareness Day!!  This is so awesome!  I highly recommend everyone who reads this to check out an organization that has helped me out with it’s resources www.autismspeaks.org and also check out the major coverage that CNN is giving to Autism both on TV and at www.cnn.com.

As many of you know, my son, J.Jay (12) has Asperger’s Syndrome which is in the spectrum of Autism - but not what is typically thought of when you think of Autism.  He was formally diagnosed at age ten.  My hubby has it as well - he was diagnosed by me!  (His insurance doesn’t cover diagnosis and there are no meds to treat it - so no reason for “formal” diagnosis.) He has even more of the characteristics than J.Jay does and it helped me to better understand why he is so eccentric and thinks so differently and why it’s so hard for us to “connect” emotionally. Now I don’t take it personally.    Bill Gates is said to have it, and it is strongly believed that Einstein and Newton had it as well!  They are both (my hubby and son) geniuses who can easily be described as eccentric.  (Especially my hubby!!)  Anyway - Pamela’s contribution for World Autism Awareness Day is to explain a wee bit about Asperger’s Syndrome as I researched it.  This information was extrapolated and then condensed from various autism websites, but primarily from the UK website www.aspergia.com

What is Asperger’s Syndrome?

Asperger’s Syndrome is on the autistic range, usually referred as a form of “high functioning autism” (HFA). Individuals with Asperger’s Syndrome tend to have an IQ that ranges average to genius.  There is much speculation that Albert Einstein and many other philosophers, scientists and genius musicians had Asperger’s. Individuals with Asperger’s Syndrome tend to develop excellent speech and language capabilities, but they do differ from the ”normal” in various other ways. 

The main characteristics of a person with Asperger’s are often a deep focus on a specialist subject or area (or consecutive areas), a difficulty in understanding human interactions and human social codes (almost like being an alien trying to understand a strange species) and thus also a difficulty with changing environments which need to be learned and adjusted to.   People with Asperger’s Syndrome tend to have a normal to high intelligence, often coupled with a special skill or ability (e.g. extraordinary mathematical, musical, or linguistic abilities). In addition they are sometimes hypersensitive to various stimuli such as light, noise and pain, and their motor skills may be less developed than the norm but not always.  Some of them are partially face-blind (have a problem remembering faces). They have to invest a lot of energy in understanding interactions, and would often need to consciously plan their social behaviour in advance.  That intuition - the innate ability to translate human body-language and non-verbal cues is simply not there for them. People with Asperger’s Syndrome often describe their experience as that of “being on the wrong planet”. They have to learn how humans interact and simulate it. It isn’t a natural trait for them as it is for everyone else. 

There are many talented people who have Asperger’s Syndrome and have contributed to society in the fields of science, research, the arts and many others. Although they face a lot of challenges functioning in “normal” society, they often excel and surpass what is normative, and prove that special skills can enhance the contribution of those who are “outside of the norm”.

Also, some interesting info which really hits the nail on the head with my personal experience of Asperger’s with my son and hubby is from the most renowned Asperger’s expert and author, Tony Attwood - “Clinical experience indicates that parents, especially mothers of children and adolescents with Asperger’s syndrome, often have to provide verbal reminders and advice regarding self-help and daily living skills. This can range from problems with dexterity affecting activities such as learning to tie shoelaces to reminders regarding personal hygiene, dress sense and time management.  Clinicians have also recognised significant problems with adaptive behaviour, especially with regard to anger management, anxiety and mood. (Attwood 2002).

Wow!    The more I read about this the better I understand my hubby and my son.   J.Jay explains that he thinks using all his senses.  He just told me.  “If I smell a smell it may remind me of Butterfly World, which reminds me of Grandma, which reminds me of her trips to Europe, which reminds me of Freddie Highmore (sp? - an actor), and then I think of some of the movies that he’s played in, which makes me think of August Rush and that movie (about music), which makes me think of the piano and then my piano lessons, which reminds me of my piano teacher Morgan who is having health problems and has been in the hospital.  So then I will ask you about Morgan.  Meanwhile, this all happened in my brain in just a couple of seconds.”  Get it?  Whew….

Okay, go do some research and learn more about Autism right now!! Here is a bonus - Because I took so long to write this that by the time I am posting this blog it is just after midnight so it IS the first ever World Autism Awareness Day!! Cool! 

 Now you know more about me than anyone should - and I know nothing about you!  That’s not fair!  Oh well, all’s fair in love and war.  (Not war actually - but I am not getting into politics now - it’s simply too late.  I’ll save that for another blog!

God Bless!!!

It is really amazing the perspective a new day can give you.  Yesterday was “one of those days”.  

1. My 16 year old daughter and I got in a tiff - basically I am having a hard time letting go and she is having a hard time not having all the freedoms of an adult yet!  “Sorry, sweet-pea - your are only 16.”  It seems as though the more freedoms we give her, instead of that satisfying her -  it just makes her want MORE!  YIKES
2. My amazing, brilliant 12 year old, who also has Asperger’s is getting more and more needy of me instead of less as he ages.  He is constantly moving and constantly talking.  I usually am very good with him and we just “connect” but I have had a headache the last 2 days (can’t take Excedrin it has gluten in it!) and frankly, he’s been driving me crazy!   Yesterday I kept saying to myself, “Self” I said, “How much longer can you homeschool with everything going on and give them an excellent education and not go insane?”  I had no answer for myself.
3. Both boys had their blood taken yesterday to make sure they still have no gluten in their systems.  I have been putting this off, but finally had to get it over with so off to the hospital we went.  Elijah, 6, was so scared.  Of course, J.Jay, the amazing, brilliant, 12 year old I referred to above, went first and didn’t even flinch to “show” Elijah how easy and painless it was.  “Just a little pinch.”  He said.  Elijah was not to be convinced.  He was not screaming or going crazy, just crying softly and begging me to take him home.  “Mommy, I can’t do this. ”  I sat next to him on the two seater blood taking seat they  have at the hospital and he laid his head on me (facing the opposite direction) and just sobbed and sobbed while they took two huge tubes of blood.  Even worse, the could not find his vein at first so they had the needle in and had to move it around a bit before they could find one.  I have gone through so much of this medical stuff that none of it is a biggie to me, but it’s so different when you go through stuff like this with your child.  I literally felt so sick I felt like I was going to throw up - just from the stress of it all.  I just so wanted to take my baby home.
4. I have been extra tired/fatigued the last couple of days and have had an ongoing headache - which I rarely get.  This is not good living in my loud and needy house!  (If you are a Mom, you understand what I mean by needy - everyone always “needs” Mom for something!)

Fast forward to this morning…  It’s an absolutely GORGEOUS day. 

1. The weeping willow my wonderful hubby planted for me 2 years ago (one of 3 he planted as they are my FAVORITE trees!) that I can see right outside my bedroom window is all green and absolutely beautiful and there is a beautiful red cardinal who keeps coming and sitting on a branch.  The contrast of the intense red of the cardinal and the beautiful green willow leaves is more beautiful than I can describe. 
2. J.Jay and Elijah are out in our woods behind our house exploring - which is the perfect things for boys to do!
3. My  hubby is upstairs working hard, as usual and seems to be in a loving and good mood today. 
4. My daughter is at work, so she’s happy as she has a great job that she loves.  (Watching kiddos!)
5. THE HOUSE IS PERFECTLY QUIET at least for the moment!
6. I can see my cat sitting on our fence, probably looking for prey.
7. My two Golden Retrievers, Lassen and Shasta are out back and Lassen (my buddy) keeps looking in my window to “check on me” which he always does.
8. It’s just a “God” day.  I don’t know how else to put it.

 ”Self”, I say, “How much longer can I….” And immediately realize my error.  I CAN’T!!! I look back and realize that I haven’t made it this far by myself, why do I suddenly feel overwhelmed as if I have to do the rest of my days by myself?  I can’t do it alone, but God can.  Not only can He, but He has, He is, and He will continue!  How cool is that?!

The boys just came back home and the house is full of chatter again as they tell me about all of their “adventures”.  Even with my headache, it sounds nice.   It’s a good day - it’s a good life!  Nothing has changed except my perception.   God has a plan bigger than I can fathom and he loves me and HE is in control.  HE CAN DO THIS!

J.Jay has a field trip this afternoon to the National Weather Service with other middle and high homeschoolers which he is very much looking forward to.  After I drop him off I can spend some one-on-one time with Eljiah for a full hour and a half before I have to pick J.Jay back up.  So, off I go!  Oh, as I glanced over I see a beautiful bright yellow Golden Finch on my window birdfeeder.  It’s a sign. 

Have a Springy day!
Jesus + Anything = NOTHING
Jesus + Nothing = EVERYTHING

I have put off updating my blog for so long that now it seems daunting as I have too much to say!   I need to update once a week because the simple fact is that in the life of a Berthume a LOT can (and typically does happen) in one week - but 2-3 weeks is pretty much always life altering!  Well it’s been just over 2 weeks since I last blogged - so what does that tell you?  Today we will go youngest to oldest, how’s that for a change?  That’s how we do our morning prayers, so it works for me!

Elijah - My adorable little 6 year old with huge brown eyes finally had his visit to the pediatric eye specialist for his exotropia.  (fyi: Exotropia is a form of strabismus where the eyes are deviated outward.)  He was a wonderful doctor (a Christian and he goes to my church!!)  He said Elijah not only has exotropia, but also has Amblyopia (which I had never heard of), astigmatisms, AND is a wee bit nearsighted as well!  Amblyopia the doctor explained as being a neurological eye problem wherein the brain does not fully acknowledge the images his eyes see.   Astigmatism is an irregularly shaped eye (could be the lens or the cornea - not sure which one his is.)  I am familiar with this as I have astigmatisms in both of my eyes as well. So…  he has to  wear an eye patch for 2 hours a day on his “best” eye to help strengthen his weakest eye - that is to hopefully help the Amblyopia.  Also, he has to wear glasses.  Wahhh…  Yes, my baby with the beautiful huge brown eyes is going to have to wear glasses.  Of course, he is so adorable that the glasses we picked out look awesome on him, I just want to make sure I can always see those big brown eyes.  There is a story behind those eyes - I’ll share that someday - but they were a direct answer to prayer!  The glasses will help his vision and astigmatisms and the clarity may also help his exotropia.  So that is Plan A.  We go back in 3 months to see how it’s working.  Next step is surgery - so I’d rather go this route - the conservative route!

Elijah and J.Jay also went for their annual checkup last week.  I will tell about J.Jay in a second, but Elijah is up to 15% on the percentile growth chart for his age, which is good.  He has grown!  He has been getting tired again a great deal lately and they are going to go ahead and redo his blood for Celiac and just make sure there is no gluten sneaking in.   It’s been 2 years and you are suppose to re-check regularly anyway just to make sure they are not getting any gluten and being poisoned and us not even realize it.  He (and J.Jay too! - see below) has to go get that done at hospital either Tuesday or Wednesday and Elijah is freaking out.  Pray he doesn’t have a conniption and is brave when they have to draw the blood.  Frankly, I am NOT looking forward to it AT ALL!

J.Jay had his annual checkup as well.  He is up to 10% on the percentile chart for a 12 year old.  Hey, at least he’s on the chart!  He’s grown also, but not as much as Elijah.  He hasn’t officially begun puberty yet though, and Dr. Stoeber said that is when a growth spurt should kick in.  He also is having his blood drawn to check and see if his body is producing any gluten antibodies.  His behavior has recently (just the past couple of months or so)  gone backwards a bit to what it was pre-diagnosis (yes, 2 years ago!).  He’s having more Asperger melt-downs and hand-flapping and continual need for body motion and that kind of stuff.  And, of course, especially with his growth and scoliosis issues it is best to test him again and be on the safe side.  Don’t want any mean old sneaky gluten getting it’s way into my precious boys’ bodies!! 

For some good news J.Jay came in 4th place in the Homeschool Spelling Bee and was very pleased with himself.  He knew the word he missed, he mouthed it to me as soon as he sat down, but still had a blast and took it all in stride.  After the bee when he realized that the winner received this huge trophy he got very serious and said he will WIN next year and had no idea he would have gotten a TROPHY!  Ha ha ha.  He’s a trip!  J.Jay also just tested on Saturday in Tae Kwon Do for his 3rd belt - the yellow belt.  He passed and the belt presentation is this Saturday.  He also gets sparring gear now and gets to move up to the upper belts class with older kiddos and adults.  He is thrilled beyond words.  (Yea right, J.Jay is NEVER beyond words.  The words continually flow out of him, even during his sleep!)   Oh yea, and J.Jay dissected a shark on Friday.  Very cool.

Brittney.  We got the results of the MRI of her lower back and she does NOT have pars defect (YIPPEE), but she does have disc degeneration in her Lumbar spine (at L5) which is most likely what is causing her back pain.  They gave her a lumbar back brace to wear (which she doesn’t wear enough!) rx strength naproxen and she has to have physical therapy 3 times a week for 6 weeks.  Then they will take it from there and see if she has improvement with the pain.  This also helps the surgeon and us know we can be more conservative removing her back tumors (she now is up to 8 - at least) since we now can be quite confident that the pain is not coming from the tumors but rather from the degenerated disc.  They also said she has very slight scoliosis, but nothing to worry about - especially since she is most likely finished growing.  (She’s 5′6″)  She still hasn’t seen the pediatric neurologist, couldn’t get that appointment until April.   So….  she’s doing better and all’s well for now!  Pray that her disc does not degenerate any further and that this is not “disc degeneration disease” as it is referred to as being by everything I’ve read!

Brittney and I are now smack dab in the middle of ”preparing for college” mode and trying to find the “right” college for her. She wants to go to a Christian college that is not too strict.  Ideally, one that is Christian in academics, but does not treat them like children.  (I am against legalism - one of my workshops is entitled, Legalism is Lethal so that should tell you something!).  Not just a “Bible” school though, it must be a college or university that offers a broad array of undergraduate majors, AND is not too far from home.  She wants to be able to drive home in at least 5 hours or less.  Preferably less.  That’s a tall order, so pray we/she finds the right school - that’s cheap (or that we can get mega amounts of grants!!!)    God knows what school He has in mind for her, we are just researching and waiting for him to clue us in!  

Our oldest Robby, and my daughter in law, Kathryn, are moving to CALIFORNIA!  So far away…  I took my first trip since “P-Day” this past week and drove my car (with my handy-dandy hand controls) and took only Elijah with me to visit them one last time in Virginia before they left.  I did great during the drive and it wasn’t nearly as hard on me as I had anticipated it being.  They are going to CA lean and gave us some cool “parting gifts” too!  We got a TV (our main TV is almost 20 years old, so we are oohhing and awwing over the great picture this one has!) as well as these great paper lamps they got a while back from IKEA that I fell in love with the first time I saw them.  Also, since Greg loves ships they gave him a beautiful framed picture of a ship that we hung over our piano after I returned.  We also brought back some keepsakes and other stuff for safe-keeping.  They are caravanning across the country with their two other friends both of whom work for him.   I remember the days.  It’s so fun to explore the country and be free to have such adventures.  I am sad they will be so far away and I am not thrilled with the environment or politics of Southern California right now, but mostly I am just very happy that they are embarking on this new fun adventure and since we’ve “been there done that” with many moves and adventures (the California one was by far the most fun!) I am really thrilled for them.  Life is meant to be LIVED to the fullest!  Please pray for their travelling safety.  Oh yea, and of course They are going to open another office for Robby’s business Epsilon Concepts when they get there.  (www.epsilonconcepts.com)

Greg has been going back and forth the past couple of weeks between working like a dog, and enjoying the beautiful sunny outdoors.  He seems pulled in two.  What a conundrum!  He is so good with the boys and they have really made some progress on the trails and such in the nature preserve behind our house.  They have a reading bench down there, a small bridge over the creek, and more.  But with our financial situation being that as it is, he is having to work many long hours.  He dreams of having an office away from home where he can leave the work there.  It seems that he if he is home in the house, he’s working.  But we are glad to have him here at home with us.  Especially the boys.  He’s been working from home for the most part for over 12 years now.  What a privilege.  It’s hard for him I know, but it also provides him the rare opportunity to be a very present and hands-on dad.   Sometimes it’s hard to appreciate the “perks” when you are right in the midst of a stressful life and you can’t see the forest for the trees.  But he’s surrounded by some trees who love him very much and we are all glad he is here with us every day.  My prayer for Greg lately has been for him to have more peace.  All these health issues and ups and downs financially are hard on him to deal with and raising a strong-willed 16 year old daughter makes for an emotional household a bit too often.  Please pray for peace that passes ALL understanding for Greg and wisdom for both of us to be strong, firm, loving, calm, and consistent raising all of our kiddos, but especially Brittney during these last few precious yet turmultuous years she will be at home with us. 

As for me?  Pamela is doing awesome as always.  My adrenaline from the trip to Virginia and other events of this past weekend (J.Jay’s Tae Kwon Do testing for next belt, Nephew Steven’s birthday party at our house, etc.) didn’t leave me until late Saturday night at which time I crashed, but that was to be expected.  I spent Sunday and most of today (Monday) in the bed recuperating, but still homeschooling, working, and living life in the process - just horizontally.  :)    I am sure there’s lots more to say, but I’ve said enough for now!  I will honestly, fervently, seriously try to update my blog every week again from here on out.  I promise!  I promise I will try at least!  “Talk” to you super soon!

FINALLY, I watched something recently that has had a majorly profound impact on my life and my view of God.  I BEG you to watch it!  I saw it on DVD, but I found it online at youtube.com.  There is a series of 15 short videos, so just watch 1 of 15, then 2 of 15, then 3 of 15, you catching on yet?  Watch it all the way to the end (15 of 15!) because the end is what REALLY blew me away!  Visit: http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=louie+giglio+how+great+is+our+god&search_type= and see if that works.  If not just go to www.youtube.com and type in louie giglio how great is our god into the search bar.    Make sure you watch all of them and let me know what you think!  Okay, NOW I really do have to go.  Nightie, night!

God Bless,
Pamela

It has been over 2 weeks since I last updated my blog!  What is up with that?!?!  Well, I will tell you exactly what is up with THAT as soon as I tell you what a major event today is in my life.  Today is exactly 6 months to the day since “P-Day” (no, not that kind of pee, gross!  P as in Paralyzed!).  P-Day was August 29, 2007 and that is the day I became totally paralyzed from the waist down.  Today, six months later, I don’t consider myself paralyzed at all.  I am “partially paralyzed” technically according to the charts, etc. - but to me paralyzed means unable to move and/or feel and I can do both!  SO THERE!  :)  Me no P!  (Get it?!?!)  Anyway, a good reminder for me.  I have had an incredibly rough couple of weeks and have been going through some serious denial and even anger over what I can’t do anymore (or at least not yet!).  But to think what I CAN do 6 months after I could not do anything at all - well that’s quite a wake up call. 

 So, what is up with THAT?  I haven’t written because my life has been in constant turmoil (oh, of course I mean that in a good way) as my wonderful hubby, Greg, went out of town (state, actually!) for 10 days!!!  He went to South Florida to be with his mom during some outpatient surgery she was having AND he was able to spend the weekend with his long-lost sister, Jennifer on the way down and had another brief visit with her again on the way back home.  He had not seen or spoken with her in 17 years, so this was an awesome reunion for him.  After feeling “siblingless” (his only brother died in a car accident when he was only 18 years old) he is glad to have his sisters (two of them actually, Jennifer and Mary) back in his life.  17 years leaves a lot of catching up to do!  I am so happy for him and can’t wait to meet them both myself.  We’ve been married 23½ years, but I have never met either of them. 

This is the first time he has gone out of town since ”P-Day” and let’s just say I had no idea how much he was holding this house together until he was gone!   I tried to “do it all” and just about killed myself in the process.  Haven’t recovered yet!  While he was gone I fell twice, once so bad I believe I broke one of my toes (can’t go to doctor - still no insurance!) and jammed all my toenails into my nail-beds.  (Does that make sense?)  Thankfully, the kiddos didn’t see me fall.   Whew….  I tried to keep it form them, but they saw the aftereffects.  Apparently my right drop foot is back!  Oh yea, and now my left foot drops too - that was the other fall which didn’t cause nearly as much damage to my left foot.  :) 

Wait a minute - I forgot I still have M.S.!  My problem is my extreme and wonderful optimism (which I am beginning to learn may not always be a good thing, although I am still glad I have such a serious case of optimitis!)  I keep thinking I am normal and then I try to act and walk like I am normal.  Unfortunately, my body just doesn’t respond.  It’s so weird.  Hard to explain actually.  This blog is a wonderful catharsis for me as I do not talk about this to anyone, except on occasion to Greg and his simple answer is, “Slow down!”  Unfortunately, that does not compute with me at all!  Anyway, in my brain and in my heart I am just as whole and able-bodied as the next gal.  My legs, arms, back, and neck though are on the wrong page.  They don’t seem to have a clue how able-bodied I am.  I want to EXERCISE, walk back in the nature preserve with the boys, go hiking, yada yada!  All of you healthy people out there - or even semi-healthy.  Get off your derriere and exercise!  I sure would if I could.

I had my biggest breakdown yet (internally the biggest anyway) on Monday evening.  Greg had recently returned so my adrenaline suddenly went “poof” and ran away - thus I was ripe for a fall.  (figuratively, not literally)  Anyway, I went to take J.Jay to the Y for his Tae Kwon Do and I was talking to the lady at the front desk as the payment was due.   The Y was SUPER DUPER crowded and this ladies class had just gotten out and there were all these ladies, young and old, in workout clothes, all sweaty and smiling after a good workout.  There were literally people everywhere and they all looked healthy and fit and I started crying.  RIGHT THERE AT THE FRONT DESK!  Oh no, not good.  I am not the bawling in public type.  I had to scoot out of there fast (literally, I had my red scooter).  Then, I couldn’t load my scooter into the car and J.Jay was in his class and would not get out for 2 hours!  Finally, after sitting in the car and pulling myself together as best as I could I saw this young 20 something year old man and I asked him if he could do me a favor.  He was so friendly, he said, “Sure!  You name it!”  He proceeded to take my chair apart and put it in the back of the car for me.  Thank you, God!  I finally got back into the car - and lost it AGAIN!  Umphh….  I drove home and was crying at home and poor Elijah couldn’t figure out what was going on.  I tried to explain to Greg and then just went to bed and cried and cried.  The good news is, I woke up the next morning and the sun was shining and my boys needed to be homeschooled and life was good!   I do miss a lot of things, I just need to keep reminding myself of the blessing I have.  Do pray that I can figure out how to get some exercise and lose weight!  This inactivity has cause me to gain and being a female, the weight gain and how it affects my appearance is just as hard as anything!  I know, vain, vain, vain - but too true. 

Brittney went to the back specialist on Monday and they took an x-ray.  They now have her scheduled for an MRI of her lower back tomorrow (Friday) so they can check out some things they want to verify from the x-ray (to make sure she doesn’t have pars defect) and then we will go from there.  He took her off all strength training and weight lifting for 4 weeks until we can get some answers.  She is having backaches in her lower back and headaches daily now.  Pray all goes well.  Surgeon is waiting to hear final results of back specialist.  So, that’s the deal with her.  Please keep her in your prayers!!!  Of course, she keeps herself busy and is handling everything like a trooper.  Thankfully, she’s a tough female and not much of a complainer.  (Unless she wants something, of course!)

Elijah did the typical 6 year old stunt and decided he’d cut a lop off of his beautiful blonde hair.  He cut a big lock right out of his front bangs.  Wahhhh….  My oldest son, Robby, did the exact same thing in the exact same place when he was six!  Which is kinda funny as Elijah is like a little Robby not only in looks, but his mannerisms and personality is just like Robby’s was at that age.  Anyway, yesterday I had to buzz Elijah’s hair.  It was quite the ordeal as he did not want it cut and squirmed (and even screamed a bit) during the entire process.  He also hates having hair on him - he has sensitive skin and it really freaks him out.  I ended up not even being able to use the buzzer much, but had to scissor cut his hair super short.  It was very painful and hard on my physically, buy hey, I am the mom!  Anyway, an hour later and he now looks even cuter somehow with a cute little cut and I put some water wax (new type of gel) in the top for it to stick up a bit.  End result, he looks absolutely adorable and after that ordeal he vows that he will NEVER try to cut his own hair again.

J.Jay is doing good and really focusing on his Tae Kwon Do.  He’s an orange belt now and will be testing for his next belt (yellow) on March 12th.  He has done the math and said if he gets every belt when he is able to test for it, which he totally plans on doing - he will become a black belt just after he turns 14.  Knowing him, I have no doubt that will happen.  We made a game out of learning the state capitals and he’s now mastered every single one - COLD!  Now we are focusing on spelling words - studying for the upcoming homeschool spelling bee, which is in early March!  He’s my little man.

Greg, thank God, literally,  he is back home again.  I love him, I love him, I love him, I love him!  He may be a bit sour on the outside, but he’s as sweet as can be on the inside.  :)  One thing he continues to make obvious to me verbally and with his actions is that he doesn’t value me any less.  Even though, I feel like I don’t do enough and wish I would do more.  He seems genuinely impressed by all that I do and wishes I would do less!    What a gem.  Yep, he’s a keeper!

Well, gotta go.  My “keeper” wants to watch Extreme Home Makeover on my computer.  (They have the show on abc.com so we can watch it!  It’s my favorite show and since we can watch it online I don’t miss having TV at all!) 

 See ya!!!

Hi!!

I have been sick (got the yucky crud thing that everyone seems to be getting) since early last week. No biggie. I had the pneumonia shot when I was in the hospital, so I wasn’t too worried - but it’s taken me a long time to recover. Today is the FIRST DAY that I feel like I am on the mend as opposed to getting worse!

First of all, Brittney is doing well. We got her liver re-tests results back and her liver enzymes were in the normal ranges. YIPPEE!!!! She went to the surgeon and he said she had “quite a few” new tumors at least 3 of which were “quite large” already. He said most people that get these type of fatty tumors only get maybe 1-3 in their entire lifetime. There are rare cases though when someone get lots of these that continue to recur. He feels Brittney may be one of these rare cases. Especially since she has so many more already, and at the size they are, less than 4 months from having the previous 4 removed. They are sending her to a back specialist first to make sure the back pain she is incurring is not the result of something else. Since these are most likely benign as were the previous ones, they only need to be removed if causing problems or getting way too big and complicating other areas. She is experiencing lots of pain which she feels is due to the lumps (since the pain went away after her surgery for about 1½ months before it came back. But… we will see. My prayer is that the tumors and the pain will just go away and the Lord will heal her completely. She is also being sent to a pediatric neurologist as she has been having ongoing headaches for about 2 years now. The MRI was not conclusive due to her braces, so they want the pediatric neurologist to do a full work up on her. So, I am thrilled about the liver results being normal and feel positive about everything. Keep her in your prayers, please.

Yesterday, Valentine’s Day - was also J.Jay’s BIRTHDAY!! He turned 12 years old. Major, major! He is a very loving child and his birth was an amazing event as I had previously had a miscarriage on Valentine’s Day, 1995. He was born on Valentine’s Day, 1996! Talk about God’s hand in all things — death and life. God is always on the throne. He wanted to go to the Biltmore House in NC for his birthday as he had never been there. His dad took him last week, just the two of them. J.Jay was free (all kids are free at Biltmore House for a special ongoing promotion) so they took a day trip and had a lot of fun. They are both the type to take forever reading every single word of every single sign on every single exhibit. So they REALLY enjoyed it! It wasn’t too cold of a day either so they were able to take a nice hike and walk to the farm and pet horses. Finally, they went to the winery and were able to do the cellar tour and J.Jay learned about the fermentation process - which he enjoyed. We had a small family party at our house last weekend and then, of course, had a special day yesterday. We have a longstanding rule at our house that nobody does school on their birthday. Actually, no homeschooling takes place on anybody’s birthday, so everyone gets a free day when it’s someone’s birthday. Hey, it works for me!

Today was a very fun day. We decided that since we didn’t do school yesterday (J.Jay’s birthday) we were going to go for a long fun weekend and not do “formal” school today, but rather do “play” school. We played several games, including Mancala and a History Trivia game. Elijah and I colored together. (We have a big board we put on my bed for games and coloring, it works great!) J.Jay and I worked on a puzzle for a bit. Then we watched an educational video about Bible Mysteries that turned out to be questioning and trying to prove Abraham’s & Joseph’s existence. J.Jay was getting so mad! He said, “Wouldn’t you just give anything to have a chance to sit down and talk to that guy?” referring to a skeptic on the video. I just love his convictions! It turned out in the end that there was tremendous evidence to prove both of the Biblical stories and lives of Abraham and Joseph. So, it was interesting.  Then, J.Jay’s friend and my 2nd daughter, Neva came over for a while. I made dinner - homemade (gluten-free, of course) chicken Alfredo type stuff. (My own sauce, but greatly resembles Alfredo sauce.) Neva ate with us, as usual. We enjoy having her around.

Now, I am so tired I feel like I could go to sleep RIGHT NOW and sleep for days. But, no chance of that happening! The kids are cleaning up the house and then will have some free play time before bed. I, on the other hand, have quite a bit of work to do which I get the privilege of doing from my comfy bed with my notebook computer. What a luxurious life we have here in America compared to most. On that note, read some of these statistics I just found- it really shows how privileged we, or at least I am. Sometimes we think of ourselves as “so broke” or “so badly in need of something” and yet…  in all reality we live like kings and queens compared to most of the people on this earth.  We are just a speck in the whole vast scheme of things.  And a privileged, spoiled, speck at that! 

Some cold hard facts are below as well as some of my musings and opinions.  If you have a moment, just read these statistics¹ and I hope they touch your heart as much as they have pierced mine. 

• Half the world — nearly three billion people — live on less than two dollars a day.
• 20% of the population in the developed nations, consume 86% of the world’s goods.
• In 1960, the 20% of the world’s people in the richest countries had 30 times the income of the poorest 20% — in 1997, 74 times as much.
• A few hundred millionaires now own as much wealth as the world’s poorest 2.5 billion people.
• “Approximately 790 million people in the developing world are still chronically undernourished, almost two-thirds of whom reside in Asia and the Pacific.”
• According to UNICEF, 30,000 children die each day due to poverty. And they “die quietly in some of the poorest villages on earth, far removed from the scrutiny and the conscience of the world. Being meek and weak in life makes these dying multitudes even more invisible in death.” That is about 210,000 children each week, or just under 11 million children under five years of age, each year.
Water problems affect half of humanity:
• Some 1.1 billion people in developing countries have inadequate access to water, and 2.6 billion lack basic sanitation.
• Almost two in three people lacking access to clean water survive on less than $2 a day, with one in three living on less than $1 a day.
• More than 660 million people without sanitation live on less than $2 a day, and more than 385 million on less than $1 a day.
• Access to piped water into the household averages about 85% for the wealthiest 20% of the population, compared with 25% for the poorest 20%.
• 1.8 billion people who have access to a water source within 1 kilometre, but not in their house or yard, consume around 20 litres per day. In the United Kingdom the average person uses more than 50 litres of water a day flushing toilets (where average daily water usage is about 150 liters a day. The highest average water use in the world is in the US, at 600 liters day.)
• Some 1.8 million child deaths each year as a result of diarrhea
• The loss of 443 million school days each year from water-related illness.
• Close to half of all people in developing countries suffering at any given time from a health problem caused by water and sanitation deficits.
• Millions of women spending several hours a day collecting water.
And get this - a mere 12 percent of the world’s population uses 85 percent of its water, and these 12 percent do not live in the Third World!
Children
• Number of children in the world - 2.2 billion
• Number in poverty - 1 billion (every second child)
• Shelter, safe water and health for the 1.9 billion children from the developing world, there are:
• 640 million without adequate shelter (1 in 3)
• 400 million with no access to safe water (1 in 5)
• 270 million with no access to health services (1 in 7)
• Survival for children - Worldwide:
• 10.6 million died in 2003 before they reached the age of 5 (same as children population in France, Germany, Greece and Italy)
• 1.4 million die each year from lack of access to safe drinking water and adequate sanitation
• Health of children - Worldwide:
• 2.2 million children die each year because they are not immunized
• 15 million children orphaned due to HIV/AIDS (similar to the total children population in Germany or United Kingdom)

Okay, I’ll stop now. But you see my point. We are a privileged people. As part of the lyrics to one of my favorite Chris Rice songs, The Face of Christ says, “See you had no choice which day you would be born | Or the color of your skin, or what planet you’d be on. Would your mind be strong, would your eyes be blue or brown | Whether daddy would be rich, or if momma stuck around at all.”  (Lyrics to full song is below.)

 Anyway, think about it. We are SO BLESSED!

The Face of Christ

He shares a room outside with a dozen other guys
And the only roof he knows is that sometimes starry sky
A tattered sleeping bag on a concrete slab is his bed
And it’s too cold to talk tonight
So I just sit with him instead and think

How did I find myself in a better place
I can’t look down on the frown on the other guy’s face
‘Cause when I stoop down low, look him square in the eye
I get a funny feeling, I just might be dealing
With the face of Christ

After sixteen years in a cold, gray prison yard
Somehow his heart is soft, but keeping simple faith is hard
He lays his Bible open on the table next to me
And as I hear his humble prayer
I feel his longing to be free someday

How did I find myself in a better place
I can’t look down on the frown on the other guy’s face
‘Cause when I stoop down low, look him square in the eye
I get a funny feeling, I just might be dealing
With the face of Christ

See you had no choice which day you would be born
Or the color of your skin, or what planet you’d be on
Would your mind be strong, would your eyes be blue or brown
Whether daddy would be rich, or if momma stuck around at all
So if you find yourself in a better place

You can’t look down on the frown on the other guy’s face
You gotta stoop down low, look him square in the eye
And get a funny feeling, ‘cause you might be dealing …

How did I find myself in a better place
I can’t look down on the frown on the other guy’s face
‘Cause when I stoop down low, look him square in the eye
I get a funny feeling, I just might be dealing
With the face of Christ

¹These and more statistics found at: www.globalissues.org/TradeRelated/Facts.asp

Yes, I said the yard! I am actually not in the yard right now . . . but I was! Guess what I was doing? You will never believe it . . . I did some yardwork!!! We have one bush that was badly in need of some TLC. The high was in the lower 70’s today so I actually got the rake and did some cleaning up of the bush with Elijah’s help. It felt GREAT! I kept thinking, boy if everyone could see me now!

I am sorry I haven’t written all week, but I’ve been too busy having fun and doing “stuff” and organizing the house and blah, blah, blah. Blah to you maybe, but not blah to me. I feel like a walking miracle. I am walking a great deal now. We left my scooter in the back of the car for two days and never even brought it into the house! What does that tell you?!?! Also, I can regularly go to the store now and walk into the store using my cane only, and then just use their motorized wheelchair! (Like Publix, or Home Depot, etc.) SO COOL!!!!! I prefer my scooter though - it’s so zippy!

On Saturday, I went to Wal-mart for some necessities and groceries. I called them as soon as I was parked to see if they had any motorized wheelchairs available, which is not likely at Wal-mart on a Saturday.  Of course, they said they were all being used. I looked around and saw a bag-boy who was bringing in carts (or buggies - depending on where you are from!). I waved at him and asked if he would help me. Of course, he was as sweet as could be and he came over and put it all together for me. His name tag said Anthony, so I said, “Thank you so much, Anthony” and he said something like, “No problem. That’s really cool how it goes together like that. Just let me know when you are done and I will take it apart for you.”  Then I zipped into Wal-mart. I was trying to drag their big cart behind me, which was very difficult and uncomfortable so I immediately headed to hardware and got a two pack of red (to match my scooter, of course!) bungee cords. I opened one side but left packaging mostly intact so I could pay for it and I pulled out one of the bungee cords. Then I bungeed the cart to the back of my scooter and WALAHHH (is that how you spell it?) I was like a double UPS trailer zipping through Wal-mart and tossing things over my shoulder into my cart. It was SO FUN! At least ten people stopped me and said something like, “What a great idea!” Or “You should patent that!”. One lady said, “Now, that’s the way to do it, my feet are killing me!” ha ha ha. It was the most fun I have had shopping to date and I didn’t even buy that much!  And guess who “just so happened” to come out to the parking lot right when I needed someone to take it apart for me?  Anthony, of course!  God is so nice.

So, enough about me. As you can tell I am improving every day and in my opinion I am doing WONDERFUL! Who’da thunk? ME!

Last Monday (not yesterday) the boys had dissection classes. It was a blast. Elijah did his first dissection of an owl pellet. He got enough bones out of the pellet to recreate an entire vole (mouse like little dude) on paper by gluing the bones in the correct places. He even got a skull, two mandibles (jaw bones) and so much more. He learned so much and had a blast. We are still working off an on at gluing the little ribs on! He said “God made owl’s SO AWESOME!”

J.Jay dissected a cow’s eyeball. I actually got in there and helped! Well, not J.Jay he was doing just fine on his own, but I put on gloves and scooted around helping some of the others who were having trouble cutting the huge cow’s eyeball in half. I cut the squishy thing in half for those who couldn’t or didn’t want to. I never thought I’d say this, but HOW COOL! We all learned a lot and even Elijah as he watched. J. Jay was amazed at the sheer number of rods and cones in each of our eyeballs. We still have the eyeball (in pieces!) in a baggie. I am trying to figure out what to do with it now!?!?!

We had a very fun week last week. It seems as we are getting more “back to normal” every day. Wednesday was our AWANA Olympics, and then Friday we went to homeschool roller skating (as we do every Friday, now) and had a blast there.  And of course Saturday, I did the Wal-mart thing!   Then on Super Bowl Sunday we went to my sister and brother in law’s house (Patty & Bill) to eat lots of food and watch the game. Too fun!  Go Giants!!!

I had purchased some “oops” paint from Home Depot for $5 a gallon so my 16 year old could paint her room, which she’s been wanting to do for a long time. I showed her everything and even helped her Sunday after church to do spackling to cover up holes and we began preparing her room. Well, why we began on a Sunday afternoon I have no idea. That was not very well thought out. She wanted to stay home from Super Bowl party and do her room herself. Greg, my hubby, was not to keen on the idea, but I thought it was a great idea. I mean after all, she is 16 and this is a project she should be able to do by herself and feel proud about. Well… once again I should have listened to my hubby. By the time we got home there was paint all over the carpet in her room. My husband ended up finishing the job on Monday himself. The good news, it looks good now! Needs one more coat on one wall, but that can wait. She’s happy, that’s what matters. We got most of the paint out of the carpet and she has a green rug she can put over it also, so… it’s all good!

Now, both the boys want to paint their rooms. YIKES!!!  I’ve always been the room painter/handyman around the house and I can’t do all that stuff anymore. I have always painted, bordered, wallpapered, or done something special with almost every room they have ever had! (And with all of our moves - that’s a LOT of rooms!) The house we moved from in Chicago I had painted one entire wall in J.Jay’s room as the United States Flag!!!   Thankfully, Greg had fun painting Britt’s room and he is as excited as I am about doing something cool for each of the boys’ rooms.  So… we will be on a continual search for “oops” paint now in cool colors!

Well, that’s it. I have to go cook dinner as it’s past 6:30pm and I haven’t even started anything yet, YIKES!!!  In all honestly, I am thrilled just to be “able” to make dinner at all. It’s amazing what little things that some take for granted that I am SO thankful for. God is a God of miracles.

Pray for Brittney, her doctor appointment is tomorrow (Wednesday) for more bloodwork and hopefully we will get results of her MRI.  So pray all goes well.  Also the new tumors are really getting big and starting to hurt on her back.  Pray for God to give us wisdom about what to do.

Finally, my daddy died exactly 22 years ago today. When he died I was pregnant with Robby. I still miss him very much, but will see him again when I get to heaven! He’s having a blast up there I am sure! Chow! (we are still learning German)

Lots to tell, but first of all and most important - God has answered all of our prayers and Igor has a family!  YIPPEE!!!  Praise the Lord! 

George of International Guardian Angel Adoption called me back yesterday and said that just a couple of weeks ago all of a sudden calls started flowing in and they were able to even be selective and found the best match for Igor’s situation.  YEA!!   Prayer is powerful and effective…  AND as always, God is faithful. 

I had written a long post about our adventures on Monday - BUT when I went to post it my computer gave me an error message.  Arghhh….

 So…  I don’t have time right now - will try to post later tonight.  Meanwhile know that God answered all of our prayers about Igor.  YEAAAA!!  I am so thrilled!  Thanks for praying and calling, as I know some of you did.

Have a great day!!!

Hola People!

I haven’t updated my blog in so long, I think I’ve forgotten how! NOT! I don’t write on bad days and it seems I’ve had too many bad days lately. But that’s all in the past and today is good day. So here I am!

We have had a crazy week with Brittney this past week. She had an MRI done, due to ongoing headaches for almost two years. With our family, it’s probably just stress. But her doctor really wanted to do an MRI to make sure there is nothing going on. I don’t believe there is so I am not too worried about it. Also, they had done some routine blood work done on her and I got a call from them on Thursday that both of her liver enzyme tests (AST & ALT) came back elevated. They want to see her on Feb. 6th to redo the blood work and do other blood work as well as go over the results of her MRI. In addition she has five tumors on her back again and one of them is obviously quite large. We don’t think they are related, but all these little things just make me wonder. So pray that there is nothing wrong, or at least nothing serious. Will let you know!

I have a sound mind (I think) that’s getting a bit frustrated being stuck with such an unsound body! I was telling my mom earlier today that I lie in bed at night and make all my goals and dreams. I am praying fervently for complete healing and one of my goals is to be able to ride my bike by my birthday - July 3rd. Then the next morning I wake up convinced that TODAY will be different. Today is the day my body will cooperate, not hurt as much. Today I will be able to walk normal, not just barely sludge along in total pain. This is the day!!! Then my foot hits the floor and it’s hard to describe the sinking feeling. I am getting to where I have to talk to myself out loud to make THE CHOICE to be in a good mood today and work through it all and push myself physically as hard as I possibly can.

You know everything in life truly based upon perception - how you handle things depends totally on your point of view. By everyone else’s perception I am doing AWESOME. Just think - just under five months ago I was TOTALLY PARALYZED from the waist down. Today, I can feel everything (too much, actually! ha) and I can stand up and even walk (albeit with pain and effort.) Unfortunately MY perception is that I am not doing well at all. My brain thinks all is well and wants to get up and GO! But my body just doesn’t seem to be catching on! Also, I am so exhausted all the time - I just get want to be healed already and get on with life. I understand how a total physical healing for me may not be God’s will. Look at Paul who lived with his painful affliction and was never healed, not before he reached heaven anyway. It just doesn’t make any sense to me. How can I/we make a difference in this world if I can’t even walk? How can I go to Africa someday and be a missionary (which I really want to do!) if I can’t walk through the jungles?!?! How can I step up to the plate and adopt someone like Igor, when he so needs a family when I can barely take care of my own kids, and we are barely making ends meet due to my medical bills!! Ughhhh… I feel like I can do so much more for Jesus if I had my health. This is one of those time when God just doesn’t make sense. But, I love him anyway.

Speaking of Igor, I have left two messages and at this point do not know if a family has “stepped up to the plate” or not. I think about him and pray for him every day. I have no idea why he is on my heart so much. But he is. I will let you know what I find out. I am praying that I am not hearing back from them because everything has been worked out! But I can’t rest until I know for sure.

Elijah, my 6 year old, was sick (just a cold) a couple of weeks ago and just can’t seem to get his energy back. He went to AWANA Olympics practice this morning and ended up lying down on the gym floor during the entire practice time. So, he said he is too tired to do AWANA Olympics this year. Bummer. Pray he bounces back soon as I am trying to keep him away from the doctor. Doctor’s offices are FILLED WITH germs!

J.Jay is doing a little better with his brace, but it’s still very painful for him to wear. He is doing great in his school and as I think I’ve said before I am enjoying homeschooling in general more this year then I ever have before. I feel like we are all having a lot of fun in the process and I personally just really look forward to each school day. We are more flexible then ever, having more fun then ever, and seem to be learning more then ever. Isn’t that weird!! We are especially enjoying J.Jay’s math as we are doing Systematic Mathematics this year. J.Jay and I watch the video together and we really have fun with it!

Elijah loves phonics (he’s starting to read randomly other than just assigned stuff now!) and seems to be especially interested in Geography. He insists for some time now that he wants to go to Africa. So we studied Africa and got a documentary video about Kenya. That just sealed it. Now he is 100% convinced that he wants to go to Africa!! Me too!!

Robby seems to be doing terrifically. It still feels so odd to have my son, a part of me, that is really no longer a part of my daily life. I still miss him every day as if he just left yesterday. But then again, it feels like he’s been gone forever! He and Kathryn, his wife, are talking about wanting to move to California at some point. I can’t even deal with the possibility so I am trying to put it out of my head. But, here I am writing all about it, so I guess it’s not out of my head after all. What’s up with that?!?!

Greg is sick, so pray for him. Just a cold, but he is also very tired and lethargic. Pray he gets better soon!!

Over and out as my nephew-son, Billy (nephew whom I wish was my son), Brittney, Greg, and J.Jay are waiting for me to play the game “Scene-it” Which Robby and Kathryn gave us. We are way into games in this family and laughing is the best medicine for everything that ails anyone!!! So - ha ha ha and a see you later!

I just heard a very sad and almost unbelievable story.  I made a phone call and found out it’s very true - and very sad. 

Before I go any farther, I am including an excerpt from a letter recently written about this boy, whose picture I can’t get out of my mind and whose name I can’t get out of my heart.  Read this…

“Today, I am prayerfully asking for your help with another orphan. He is a fine young 13 year old boy as you can see in the attached picture. Igor came to the US in January 1007 for surgery. The family that committed to adopt him had decided that they are not able to make a lifetime commitment but go as far as saying their decision has nothing to do with Igor. To say that we are heartbroken for him is an understatement. Igor was left on the ststeps of the orphanages a newborn and now is facing another rejection by the family he loves and has called his own since May. If we do not find an adoptive family he will be returned to the orphanage. God knows that is not what we should do . Lord would  not have brought him here if that was his plan for Igor.

We have known this boy for several years while working with all the children in the orphanage. After 12 years in the orphanage my first impression was that he was very much a survivor and his own authority. We spent some time with him while he was in the hospital and the other boy after their amputations. We watched him react to kindness and love, begin to smile and accept that people cared about him. We through out ministry bring these children for both physical and spiritual healing and Igor responded beautifully to both. Igor’s understanding of people and his gratitude for the opportunity to be in the

 Igor Kosuta age 13 was chosen as part of the Hope Program Phase 3 to come to Greenville, SC for surgery and prosthetics. Igor has bilateral PFFD (Proximal Femoral Focal Deficiency)-which causes the thighbones to not form and grow properly. This condition has caused Igor to have a short stature. His left foot was too deformed to be straightened surgically and has been amputated. He has been fitted with a left Syme prosthesis and a right shoe lift to balance his limbs. Igor is able to ambulate without any assistive devices. If there is anything that we can do for this boy to help him find family that will love him and call him as their own. I ask your prayers most of all and if you know of some family that is willing to take him, please let me know. This is urgent matter, his visa will expire in January.