After a long blogging hiatus, I am back! I have been spending all my “writing” time working on my novel, hence the absence of posts here lately. But, you will be rewarded in the end (if you read it) as my book is going to be AWESOME! That said, I figure the time has come to touch base and update my blog lest you think I’ve left the planet or something.
Today, I want to share with you some Berthume Funnies. Let me start with my almost 13 year old (his birthday is on Valentine’s Day) - my “love” child - J.Jay. He had to write some sentences for his grammar today using various, specific helping verbs. The first part (bolded) was given and he was to complete it. I absolutely cracked up at one of the sentences he wrote, and I quote,
“I should write my aunt, because she is my aunt and if I don’t write to her
I’ll get an F in composition and fail school and not get a job when I’m 18
and I’ll be roaming the streets broke and my life will be a waste.”
First of all, that is one long run-on sentence! But I thought it was absolutely hilarious. All of them were witty, but that was by far the wittiest. He’s a trip. Okay, here was his second wittiest sentence of the day:
“I was writing my aunt when suddenly lightning struck my right hand
and it became paralyzed and I can’t write with my left hand
and my mom can’t do it for me cause that would be cheating.
Okay, I know there’s some bad grammar there. (Tense switching mid-sentence; “cause” should be “because”, I could go on… but I won’t.) The point is, what a great imagination and sense of humor that boy has! I enjoy him. (He doesn’t enjoy me quite as much as I enjoy him… especially around algebra time!)
Now for my 7 year old, Elijah. His AWANA/SPARKS leader told him over the phone last week that he could be her “helper” to help the other kids remember the rules and behave better. Tonight was his first night back since this glorious news. When we got home he plopped down on the sofa utterly exhausted and said, “Being a leader is harder than I thought! John* and Joe* kept talking and I had to separate them!”
“Wow!” I said. “Did anything else happen?”
“Yeah! John was crying because he couldn’t say his sections so I went to Mrs. Kim and said What do I do now? He’s having a fit! So we got someone to help him with his sections and he finally shut up.”
*I changed the names to protect the innocent… er guilty! Even though he was so worn out, he insisted that it was worth all the work. He can’t wait to go back next week, since he’s a “leader” now. (His words, not mine!) After filling Dad in about his exhausting evening and showing him his Sparky pin and certificate from winning “Sparky of the Month” for January, he was so tired that he went straight to bed without even having a snack! His heart has been set on growing up to become a movie director for almost 2 years now, but if you ask me he should go into acting. He’s so good at it! (BTW, he wants to be a zookeeper too! Part-time, of course since he’ll be so busy producing and directing movies. Again - his words!)
I would put in a funny about Brittney, my 17 year old - but she might not appreciate that, with her being so cool and all. She might just kill me. Oh, okay… get up off your knees. Your begging worked. Her latest funny was, “Wow, Mom you are looking so skinny today! <pause for all of 2 seconds> Can I have 10 bucks?” Put it this way, all of her compliments are followed a question beginning with those two little words, “Can” and “I”!
As for my oldest son… sorry, you are out of luck. I can’t put in a funny about him or he really WILL kill me! He’s got a reputation to maintain, you know?!?! Actually, he spent yesterday at the hospital, which is NOT funny, and it is weighing heavy on my heart lately. So… I won’t push it by telling you one of his many funnies.
As for me… I am just about the funniest person I know! So what if nobody else gets it? Just today, when Greg told me to stop worrying I said, “But that’s my job! And I am so good at it!” What? That’s not funny enough for you? How about this… Earlier today I crossed my eyes while trying to teach J.Jay algebra. Now, THAT was funny! It made him laugh. Geez, you are still not convinced? Just trust me. I am funny!
Oh and Greg, my sweet hubby… he’s not funny. (I’m just kidding, see how funny I am?)
Speaking of funny, I was raised with a “wrath of God” view of Jesus and over ten years ago I saw a picture called “Jesus Laughing” that changed my views and instantly became a favorite of mine. To this day I have a copy of it hanging on my mirror and it cheers me up every time I look at it. I love it! So, as a special bonus for reading my blog I will share it with you.

Isn’t that great?!?! Gotta love it. Alrighty then… this funny woman is off to bed. Nighty night!